


If Just For One Night

by DaniJayNel



Series: 100 YumiKuri Stories [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Ymir wanted was to love Kirsta, and all Krista wanted was to let her. YmirxKrista oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Just For One Night

**Author's Note:**

> The first of my YumiKuri stories.

Ymir stood still, eyes trained toward the horizon as the sun dipped down in preparation for night. The light was strong enough to warm her skin the slightest, but weak enough that she didn’t need to shield her eyes. The brunette’s face was expressionless, almost cold, but her mind was active.

Her thoughts were running rampage, and behind her usually uninterested eyes were emotions and feelings that were making her heart furious at itself for _feeling._ There was only one possible thing on her mind that was making her like this; closed off more than usual, almost irritated, angry but most of all, strangely, in pain.

It hurt. It hurt so much. She didn’t want to admit it, Ymir didn’t even want to admit or acknowledge it to herself, but it hurt. Feeling this, thinking these melancholy thoughts, it was all a sign that she had grown weak, that she had let the blonde too close, in too deep.

But as much as Ymir clenched her fists and cursed herself for her own emotional weakness, she couldn’t bring herself to regret meeting Krista.

Krista. The first person to have ever shown her kindness even after knowing what type of person she really was. She wasn’t someone deserving of anything close to kindness, yet Krista gave it to her without restraint.

It hurt to hate that she had come to need the girl as much as she did. It was frustrating and infuriating that no matter how many times she told herself _not_ to, she _did._

The anger in her chest was building, and it was aimed at herself.

Ymir cracked a grin. In a way she deserved the suffering she was feeling. There was no better punishment than to long and ache for something she should never have wanted but continued to even after she had promised herself that she wouldn’t.

The tall brunette rubbed at her temple and squeezed her eyes shut. It was thoughts like these that had her constantly in a bad mood. Couldn’t there be at least one moment where she could just be free, be herself and not think about the only person she could never get out of her mind?

She wanted to live life for herself. To defend her own life, protect her own hide, and step on anyone she needed to in order to make it. So why did she find hersef second on her list of people who mattered to her? Why had she subconsciously put Krista first?

Ugh. There she went again, thinking of Krista like some love-struck fool; but who was she really kidding, anyway? She really was just a love-struck fool. Though feelings and longing were all she would allow herself.

In this world, where the strong crush the weak and death claims too soon, there was no use in trying to enjoy something as trivial as love. It was pointless and Ymir knew that.

Another part of her knew that if she gave in, if she accepted her feelings, if she let herself feel them, she would be consumed by them. Krista already controlled so much of her already, even though she would never, ever admit it or even show any sign of it.

Ymir’s grin dropped.

She wanted it though. She wanted Krista to have that hold over her. But she couldn’t let any of that be. Fairy tales didn’t exist in the hell they called home. Peace was a foreign concept when each and every day was faced with the impossible threat of the Titans and the horror they brought.

She continued to frown as she stood tall, shoulders rigid and arms crossed over her chest, staring intensely at the descending sun.

So it came as a surprise when Ymir’s own sordid thoughts were interrupted by the voice that haunted her dreams and set her heart ablaze. “I’ve never seen you frown like that before.”

Ymir turned and lifted an eyebrow. She only gave Krista an unimpressed look, and then turned back to the setting sun.

“The sun is so beautiful when it’s like this.” Krista stepped up beside her and clasped her hands together behind her back.

Ymir snuck a look to the side, at the shorter girl’s now glowing hair as the gentle rays bathed her locks in gold, making them glow and look like if she just reached out and touched them, they would feel as soft as silk. The taller girl let her eyes wander to Krista’s face, and she felt her throat constrict. Her lips were pink, upturned slightly, and appeared so soft and warm. Ymir sighed to herself and forced herself to look away.

She couldn’t do this. The longing, the wanting, the needing. She hated these feelings, she hated that she just wanted to pull Krista into her arms and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. She hated that for the first time in her life she wanted to cry because of the raging emotions inside of her heart.

No one would have ever believed her if she tried to explain how much Krista made her feel.

The blonde had no idea that Ymir was holding her breath, because she wanted to respond by saying how Krista was even more beautiful, compared to something as ordinary as a setting sun. But Ymir knew better, she berated herself for the very thought itself, and just opted for standing there stiffly, hands clenching and unclenching with every emotion she felt.

“Ymir?” The little blonde spoke up, voice soft and tentative, as if Ymir was a small animal she was trying not to scare off. The notion itself wasn’t that far off.

“Mm?” Ymir responded noncommittally, and remained looking out over the horizon. She feared looking into those impossibly gorgeous blue eyes, because she would only get lost in them, and then she would hate herself even more.

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not.”

Krista smiled gently. “I know you, Ymir. You’ve been very moody for a while now. Did I do something wrong?”

Ymir unfolded her arms and huffed. “Do you think everything I do is connected to you?” She said harshly, still looking away.

Krista sighed. “Well, you haven’t been very cheerful with me lately. I'm sure you’ve been avoiding me too.”

Ymir shifted from one foot to the other. “Well, I don’t need you to always be there. I can take care of myself.”

“I know.” Krista looked back to the horizon and swallowed. Her own heart felt heavy, and she resisted the urge to give Ymir a hug. She hated seeing her taller companion so troubled, and she had been so for a while now. If only there was some way she could just figure out what was wrong or what she could do to get Ymir to talk to her.  “I know I'm probably irritating you now, Ymir, but I miss you.” Krista blinked the burning tears back and made sure her voice hid the sadness she felt. “Even your brooding, intimidating presence.”

Ymir finally turned her head and gave Christ a look.

“I even miss that glare of yours.” The blonde added, noticing that Ymir had finally looked at her, although it was a fierce glare.

Ymir quickly looked away and focused on the ground at her feet. “I don’t understand you.” She commented. “How can you miss someone like me? I’m harsh, I’m selfish, and I don’t give a damn about anyone other than myself unless it benefits me. I can see all of your weaknesses and I don’t hesitate in letting you know about them. I’ve made you cry with some of the harsh thing I’ve said, and I’ve shown no care at all for doing it. How? How can you be so kind?”

“It’s okay if it’s you.” Krista looked up at Ymir and forced the brunette to meet her soft, blue gaze with the intensity of her stare. “I can take it if it’s you.”

Ymir felt her stomach flutter, her heart jerked, her palms started sweating and her knees shook. She swallowed – hard, and glanced away from Krista’s eyes down to her lips.

So tempting, so close, all she had to do was lean down, cup Krista’s cheek with her hand and draw her closer. No, she couldn’t.

Ymir internally shook her head. “Don’t be an idiot.” She scoffed and swept a hand through her hair. “I’m not worth all of the shit I put you through.” She said, and then she stalked off, letting her long legs guide her away faster than Krista could have kept up with if she had attempted to follow her.

But she didn’t. Instead she smiled sadly and watched the retreating back of Ymir until she disappeared around a corner.

“Ymir…” Krista whispered and clutched a hand over her heart.

_Why do you push me so far away when I can see how much you want to pull me near? I don’t care if it’s being stupid or weak or foolish, I want you to be honest with me and I want us to be honest with each other. If I die tomorrow, then I at least want to say that I had you today._

It was getting dark so Krista decided to head back to their sleeping quarters. She considered confronting Ymir again, but realized that it was more of a need to be close to and talk to her more than anything, and she would probably just get irritated again.

The blonde sighed as she walked. She honestly did want to help Ymir, too, but she didn’t know how. Was there even a way to help someone so stubborn and unwillingly to accept help from anyone?

No, there probably wasn’t.

Krista heard the sound of stealthy footsteps and paused. She looked around and spotted Sasha sneaking along a building, back pressed to the wall. A few minutes of observing went by and then Sasha pushed off from the wall and ran over to the door of the kitchen.

Rolling her eyes and sending out a positive thought for Sasha, Krista continued walking and made it back to their rooms. She noticed Ymir in her bed and watched her as she walked over to her own bed, right next to Ymir’s.

The tall girl had her back turned to her, and her head hidden underneath her pillow. She could have been sleeping with how still she was, but Krista wasn’t really sure and she wasn’t going to bother her to find out.

Night had properly fallen, most people were already asleep and Krista was tired. Just as Ymir, she had been emotionally distraught and was constantly deep in thought. This had led to her being distracted during their training, and a lot of people had noticed, forcing her to put on a smile and act like her heart wasn’t aching.

But it did. Every time she looked at Ymir or forced herself not to, she felt her heart thump unevenly and then ache with need.

Krista changed into her nightgown and then climbed into her bed, pulled the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes.

An hour went past and by then everyone had fallen asleep. All but one. Ymir turned over onto her side so that she could glance over at the sleeping blonde, who was facing her and breathing lightly as she slept. She looked so cute; all wrapped up in her blanket, with that peaceful look on her face and the wistful, though small smile on her lips.

It made Ymir smile as much as it made her roll her eyes. This was all so cliché and mushy that it almost made her stomach turn – both out of disgust and out of affection.

Nights like these were the only time Ymir really allowed herself to just lay there and stare at Krista. To appreciate every delicate feature and to imagine what it would be like to be there with her in the bed. Of course, Ymir never let herself indulge in this hobby too long, because the longer she stared the more tempting the tiny blonde became.

But today she had been moodier than usual, and had brooded over almost everything. She was getting tired of the endless cycle of denial and inner argument that happened inside of her head.

Just this once, Ymir let her apprehensions go and watched Krista with as much intensity as she could muster. Without fully realizing it, and before she could stop it, Ymir had climbed out of her bed and padded over to the other bed.

The floor creaked softly under her feet, and despite her large size, she hardly made a sound. Within seconds she reached the blonde and crouched down by her head.

Ymir sighed. What the hell was she doing? This would only end up worsening her situation. She should stop. She really should just get up, climb back into her bed and go to sleep. Her mind argued with her, but her body and heart didn’t listen.

Krista sighed softly and shifted onto her stomach. “Mm, Ymir…” She sighed again, wistfully, sounding almost blissful which was something Ymir hadn’t heard from her before.

The brunette reached out hesitantly, paused, took a deep breath and then brushed a lock of hair away from Krista’s cheek to get a better view of her face. She swallowed when her fingertips brushed against warm, soft skin. Ymir exhaled softly and leaned in.

Her heart was beating hard against her ribcage, her mouth felt dry and all she could hear was her own pounding blood and Krista’s soft, gentle breaths.

 _What the hell am I doing?_ She thought in a panic, but continued to lean down even closer, ignoring the growing panic in her chest and the… – nervousness? – in her stomach.

Krista didn’t move as Ymir inched closer and closer.

“I love you…” The blonde uttered in her sleep. Ymir froze. Had she heard that right? “Ymir?” Said girl’s eyes snapped back to Krista and widened. The blonde was awake. When had she woken up? Ymir was still close to her face, too close, way too close. “What are you doing?”

Without answering Ymir stood and bolted out of the room. She didn’t care that it was cold outside or that she was still just in her sleepwear, she was caught doing something stupid and her reaction was to run.

She couldn’t have very well reacted in her usual harsh manner, what with her being the instigator of the situation. That would have just been unnecessarily mean.

Ymir walked away from the building until she reached a tree, and then she leaned against it and slid down until she was seated with her back resting against it for support.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” She hissed softly under her breath and clenched her jaw almost painfully.

“Ymir!”

Ymir looked up. “Shit.”

Krista had followed her.

“Ymir? What was that?” Krista stopped beside Ymir and looked down at her. It was difficult to really see her face in the darkness, but her eyes were there, dark, intense, and glaring.

“What was what?” Ymir responded with a question of her own.

“Why were you leaning over me like that?”

Ymir forced herself to chuckle in amusement. “Leaning over you? I wasn’t leaning over you, Krista.” Krista swallowed and stepped closer to Ymir. “You were probably just having a wet dream about me.” In the dark the blonde managed to catch Ymir’s rakish grin.

“It wasn’t a dream. If it was, then why are you here?”

“I just felt like getting some fresh air.” Ymir stretched and let a bored expression mask her face. She wasn’t going to admit anything, and playing uninterested was a skill of hers.

“But,” Krista thought hard. There was no way that had been a dream. She would never forget the look on Ymir’s face as she was leaning over her.

Stricken, needing, lost.

“Go back to sleep Krista.” Ymir said tonelessly. “Nothing happened.” _And nothing will happen,_ she added in her thoughts.

“No.” This was wrong. Ymir looked so pained even though she masked her expression, she sounded so sad even though she made it sound like she was bored. Krista could see through her, just like Ymir could always see through her as well. “Stop running away from it!” Krista yelled.

“I'm not running away from anything.” Ymir said, and instead of getting upset that she was being yelled at, she felt her chest tighten. Those damn feelings were coming back.

“Ymir, I know. I understand that you think there is no place for love in this world, or that you don’t deserve it,” Ymir froze. “But, I could die tomorrow. I could die in an hour, or you could. I don’t want to go another day pretending that what I feel isn’t real.”

“What are you saying?”

“I want to be honest with you, while I'm still here and breathing. Ymir, I don’t care if you think I'm being stupid or weak, or if you hate me for this, but I just can’t take this anymore.” Krista dropped down on her knees and pulled Ymir against her. She buried her face against her neck and took a deep, shattering breath to calm her heart.

“K-Krista? This is foolish.... we shouldn’t–”

“Shouldn’t what? Shouldn’t let ourselves be happy for just a day? Tell me Ymir, look into my eyes and be honest with me. Tell me that you don’t feel the same.”

“Krista…”

“Tell me that you don’t ache too, that your chest doesn’t tighten or burn like it does for me.”

“I…”

“Tell me you don’t love me too!” Krista held Ymir’s face in her hands, forcing the brunette to look at her, to look into her serious blue eyes.  

Ymir could only stare. Any snide comments died on her lips the moment she looked into those eyes. “Are you saying that you are in love with me, Krista?” It was all Ymir could think of to say.

“Y-yes! Yes, I am, Ymir. I love you. I love you so damn much. You were the only one to truly see me, to see who I am deep inside, and after seeing that you decided to stick with me. I’ve been i-in love with you for so long, but I’ve been so scared.” Tears leaked out and streamed down Krista’s face. “W-what if I lose you? What if something happens and I can’t be with you anymore?”

This time Ymir surprised Krista by pulling her into a hug. She shouldn’t have done it, because her resolve was crumbling, but she couldn’t just sit there and see Krista cried. She had to comfort her, or her own heart would break.

“It’s okay,” She gently rubbed Krista’s back and let the blonde cry against her shoulder, “you don’t need to cry over something that hasn’t even happened.”

Krista tightened her arms around Ymir. “I know, but the thought of not being able to hold you like this, to feel your chest moving as you breathe, to hear your voice, to see you, it… it’s painful.”

Ymir sighed and held on tighter. They remained silent after that, Krista nestled against Ymir’s chest, her small hands gripping two handfuls of the taller girl’s shirt, and the brunette’s chin resting atop Krista’s head.

While Krista seemed to calm down, being so close to Ymir like that comforted her, Ymir was once again thinking frantically.

Their current position both terrified and exhilarated her. She loved it as much as she hated it, though she couldn’t bring herself to push the blonde away. She just wanted to stay like that forever. To forget everything and everyone and just live within that one moment where nothing else mattered.

“Ymir,” Krista whispered, warm breath brushing against Ymir’s throat, making her shiver, “you never answered me.” Ymir shifted. “You didn’t tell me that you don’t love me.” The brunette felt her heart flutter.

Krista gently pushed against Ymir’s chest until she had moved back enough to look at Ymir’s now conflicted face. She looked like she wanted to say something but was desperately holding it back.

“You can say it…” Krista moved up and wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck. “Just for now, just tonight, say it.”

Ymir swallowed. _This girl, what the hell does she think she’s doing? Doing this will accomplish nothing. We shouldn’t be doing this, but how do I let go? How do I convince my heart that I should push her away and forget this ever happened?_

Ymir looked into Krista’s eyes and saw all of the raw emotions there. It echoed everything she felt and every emotion coursing through her veins, pumping with her blood.

Being selfish was easy for Ymir, except for when Krista was involved. On one hand she was selfish enough to keep the blonde by her side, but she made sure to keep her at arm’s length. On the other hand, she couldn’t let Krista leave here even if she wanted to, but she couldn’t let herself _have_ her. It was all so confusing and frustrating, so Ymir decided.

She took a deep breath, sat up straight, firmly gripped Krista’s face in her hands and looked into her eyes with piercing intensity. “If you want me to be honest then you have to take responsibility for what happens afterwards,” Ymir said.

“What do you–” before she could finish her sentence a pair of warm lips covered her own. Krista gasped softly, and then closed her eyes and kissed back with as much love, want and need as she could.

It was rough, and hurried, but it was more perfect than Krista had ever imagined.

When Ymir pulled away she rested her forehead against Krista’s and sighed. “You’re an idiot, you know that? I could die tomorrow.”

“I know.” Krista lifted her hand and let her fingertips trace the angular slopes of Ymir’s face.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve you either.”

“I’m a hardass, and I guarantee that I won’t be any easier to be with.”

Krista giggled. “I know, Ymir. I don’t care how harsh or rude you are, because if it’s you I can take it.”

“You’re too kind.”

“It’s not kindness; my love for you just allows me to overlook your bad points. In fact, I love your bad points.”

“I’m never going to convince you that this is a bad idea, am I?” Ymir asked.

Krista shook her head. “I love you Ymir.” And with that she took the initiative and leaned in, starting their second kiss that was sweeter and softer than the first. As their lips moved together Ymir wrapped an arm around Krista’s waist, pulling her tighter against her front, and used her free hand to grip her hip.

They broke the kiss again, but didn’t move apart, and instead sat there with their lips barely brushing, panting and hearts thudding. They breathed the same air, and they really didn’t mind.

“Krista?”

“Mm?”

“I love you too.”

“Ymir?”

“Yeah?”

“This makes you an idiot too.”

Ymir grinned and rolled her eyes. “The biggest idiot on this god forsaken planet.”

“But you’re my idiot.” Krista gave her lips a peck, and then cried out in surprise when she was suddenly lifted in Ymir’s arms. “What are you doing?”

“To my bed.” Ymir responded seriously and started walking. She ignored Krista’s protests to let her down and only complied once they were inside and she could place her down on her bed. It was Ymir’s bed, and after dropping the blonde on top of it, Ymir climbed in beside her and rested on her back. Almost immediately Krista cuddled up to her side and rested her head against her shoulder.

“What if people see us together in the morning?” Krista asked softly.

“Then they see us. I don’t give a shit about what other people think of me, and you shouldn’t either.” Ymir responded softly, but in her usual tone of voice, having recovered from her earlier turmoil.

 _Yeah_ , Krista thought, _I don’t care either._

“Krista, just so you know, what happened tonight doesn’t change anything. I won’t treat you any differently from how I have until now.”

Krista moved up so that she was leaning over Ymir and looked into her eyes, a soft smile on her face. “That makes me relived. Although, I want just one change.” Ymir raised a brow, her only indication of any type of reply. Taking that as the response that it was, Krista continued, “When you want to kiss me, I want you to do it, alright?”

Ymir’s eyes widened slightly, and then she swallowed and looked off to the side. “I’ll do whatever I want.” She said stubbornly.

“Good.” Krista snuggled back down and found Ymir’s hand resting on her stomach. Their finger’s intertwined, and then Krista gave Ymir’s hand a squeeze and felt the taller girl wrap her arms around her.

“Goodnight, Ymir.”

“Yeah, night.” Ymir responded.

They closed their eyes, took a breath, and unknowingly smiled at the same time. Maybe now they would finally get a good night’s sleep, without having the same, haunting dream of each other, because now they were wrapped in each other’s arms, feeling the comfort and love that they had been too scared to accept.

And they did.

Extra Note: Alright, so I think I might have failed with Ymir at some places, but oh well, it’s still some YmirxKrista love XD I just want them to be together already, damnit ! Thank you for reading ^^


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